It was such a tough week for me.  I don't like and am not used to writing down negative feelings and that's the reason why I didn't update anything for this past week.  But i do want to keep you, my good friends, updated about my life here, so i am posting my conversation with Jill via Gtalk, so you guys can sense a bit the situation.

Thank you so much, Jill!   After talking with you, I really feel much better.   I suddently realized I was very immature and dependent.   Now I knew how to adjust myself to the new environment and what attitude i should have towards the people i don't get along with.   Thank you, Jill!


Conversation history with Jill, my American friend in Taiwan.  

18:28 我: hi
  Jill
 Jill: hi there!
  thanks for your new year's message.
18:29 :-)
 我: no problem
  i'd love to do that
  r u in Howaii?
 Jill: no back in taipei
  how's your weekend?
18:30 我: today i went to a church with my Taiwanese friend
  Jill, i wanna ask you a question
 Jill: sure
 我: when you move to a new environment,
  do you feel lonely?
 Jill: sometimes, yes
18:31 think when i was younger it was harder than it is now
 我: did you feel that in Taiwan?
 Jill: no, not really, but i felt bad when i moved from california to north carolina
  i think i didn't understand the culture and people there
  so it was hard
  college is a hard environment
18:32 people (students) can be competitive and not very supportive
 我: i can feel
 Jill: i find the 'real world' much better than university
 我: really?
  Brandeis is tough too
 Jill: i'm sorry it's been tough
18:33 我: everyone works so hard
  very different from school I studied before
18:34 Jill: this summer when i was in the usa at an intensive chinese language program
  i felt the same
  the students were so young and immature (often mean)
  but found a few people who weren't that way and we stuck together
 我: really?
 Jill: yes, they just didn't know yet how to be adults in the world
18:35 我: that's great
 Jill: and they were very petty, very self focused
  so i found a few people i could hang out with and relax with
 我: i can tell
 Jill: and didn't worry about those that i didn't get along with
18:36 in the world, there are always people who make you feel bad - i just ignore those people
  :-)
 我: that's good
  i felt so lonely, especially on Chinese new year, and i will have a winter break, a week-long break, in the end of Feb.
18:37 i want to travel to see as much as i can, but i don't know who i can go with
  it's very hard to coordinate people's schedule
  different people want to go different plce
18:38 Jill: do you feel comfortable sending out an e-mail to a few people who know and ask if anyone wants to get together over the long break to go somewhere out of town?
 我: i can try
18:39 Jill: it's possible that a few people might want to go somewhere as a group?
 我: the break is one week from now
 Jill: also, are there any groups on campus you could join?
  sometimes groups with do activities over breaks?
 我: some people already have plan and bought the tickets already
18:40 Jill: oh, i see
  what about your taiwanese friend
  has she/he made plans already?
  even if people have bought tickets, could you join them?
18:41 anyone doing something interesting that you would like to do?
 我: all of them have been here at least one year
  so the places i want to go, they might have been to before
 Jill: where do you want to go?
 我: i have asked
18:42 Washington DC, Philadelphia...
  but most people have been to
18:43 Jill: why don't you send a note out to the people you're friends with and say you're interested in going to DC or Philly for the break and does anyone want to join?
 我: i've asked in person
 Jill: where do people want to go?
18:45 我: everyone has different schedule. go to England to visit sisters, to CA to visit firends, to Dallas to visit friends, to Chicago to visit friends
  some will go with bf or gf
 Jill: would you be willing to go on a tour group to DC or Philadelphia?
 我: sure! 
18:46 where i can find a tour goup
 Jill: sounds like you have two choices...
  ask to see if you can join a friend to where he/she is going (perhaps not your first choice)
  or go where you want to go and do it more independently
18:47 often a travel agency can recommend a tour of a city
  you arrive there, and then join a group of people with a tour guide that often plans your meals and trips to sights
  you'll probably get on a bus with a group of people and go from place to place
 我: if i go with a tour group, is it possible that tourists have their own group too?
18:48 Jill: i don't know. each one is different
18:49 these are some for washington dc http://dc.about.com/od/walkingtours/a/5BestTours.htm
 我: will you go back to USA to visit your parents?
 Jill: i don't know
  looks like i have friends coming to visit in taiwan in june
  then in july i'm maybe going to austrailia for a few weeks
  if i see them will probably be in aug, but there might not be time
18:50 我: wow you travel a lot
  do you usually go with your husband?
 Jill: yes, usually
  though not always
18:51 if you want to use your break to see a us city, i'd walk into a travel agency in your city and explain to them what you want to do
  they will probably be able to recommend some options
18:52 我: okay! i got it
18:53 are loneliness and independence somewhat i need to learn while i am in abroad?
 Jill: i think everyone gets lonely and we all deal with it differently
  i think taiwanese culture is very different to american culture and it sounds like in this kind of situation you'd rather be surrounded by your friends to share the experience
18:54 which sounds very normal
 我: but i've never felt such a strong loneliness in my lifetime
  before i came here
 Jill: i do think independence is a very american thing. people do things on their own.
18:55 i'm so sorry you're feeling that way
  i see a lot of the students in my program at 台大 who have never lived away from home and they're feeling the same thing.
  it's hard doing new things
18:56 american students who come to asia, on top of the loneliness, also have a big culture shock
18:57 我: is loneliness a part of culture shock?
 Jill: i think it can be
18:58 you're in a totally new environment, city, language, etc.
  doing intensive studies on top of it all
  that's a lot!
  just think, it a few months time you'll be back in taiwan
  make the most of your time there
 我: i don't get along very well with my roommates, and i haven't made good friends so far..
 Jill: in a year from now, you'll look back and be amazed at all the things you've accomplished
18:59 i lived in north carolina for four year
  i made one friends
  it was sooooo different than where i was from
  it takes a long time to meet people anywhere
  you've only been there a month
19:00 我: yeah. it's hard to make good friends in 1 month
 Jill: here in taiwan, people avoid me like i have some disease
 我: why
 Jill: old people get up from their seat to stand up if i sit next to them
  i just ignore it
  it's their problem, not mine
19:01 i think it's that they're afraid of white people
  that i might speak to them
 我: i am sorry to hear that. don't mind it
 Jill: that if i don't speak chinese that they're afraid they'll have to speak english
  i really don't care -
19:02 i just realize they aren't my friends and that i can find people who i do like
 我: maybe just old peole will be afraid of
 Jill: :-)
  see if there is a taiwanese club on campus
19:03 or find someone wanting to do a language exchange
 我: did the young people like my age act that?
 Jill: there might be people out there to meet who actively want to learn and understand about your culture and introduce you to american college life
  sometimes, yes
19:04 but not as much as older generations
 我: really?
 Jill: yup
  having traveled a lot, you realize there are stupid people everywhere
  :-)  (This is very funny!)
 我: i'll give you a suggestion
 Jill: and amazing people everywhere
19:05 我: there is a coffee shop named Dante on 羅斯福路. that is where i met Emily
19:06 that area is very close to 師大, so you can see lots of foreigners learning Chinese at that coffee shop
 Jill: i don't want to meet more foreigners :-)
 我: i hanged out that coffee shop very often
  i know
 Jill: i have no problems in taipei
  i love it here
 我: but i never noticed that situation you mentioned
19:07 Jill: i just understand that sometimes there are difficulties you have to deal with anywhere you live   (Jill is so brave; I need to look up to her.)
 我: i am happy to hear that
 Jill: in london the same
  they are very prejudiced against americans there
 我: my point is you might meet people who want to do language exchange there
 Jill: but i have your lovely friends, ceclia and mandy!
(hi 怡鈴,秋樺see here, Jill said you two are her lovely friends! ^___^)
19:08 我: clients there are very used to seeing foriengers
 Jill: oh right
  for the most part, i don't have problems
 我: huh..they are nice, right?
 Jill: and the problems i do have a very small
  they're mainly social/cultural things
19:09 which i can deal with
 我: my friends are as nice as me ^____^
 Jill: but their english isn't as good as yours
  :-)
  think they're going to visit you, yes?
19:10 我: yeah might be in April
 Jill: i'm teaching them how to order their favorite kind of coffee at starbucks
 我: ha very useful
19:11 customized coffee, right?
 Jill: just got back late last night, so don't have time to meet them this weekend (homework!, ugh!), but next weekend
 我: do you have friends here so i can do language exchange with them?
19:12 Jill: not in waltham
 我: how about in Boston or Cambridge?
 Jill: i can drop a note to my former chinese teacher who's at MIT
  is that very far for you?
 我: but i don't need any help for Chinese
19:13 Jill: she might have students who want to do a language exchange
 我: excellent!
 Jill: her name is 長老師
 我: 呵   is he or she a chinese or Taiwanese
 Jill: don't know is Zhang is 長 but i'll check, she's from mainland.
 我: i see
 Jill: most chinese teachers in the USA are mainland
  that's the standard in the US
 我: mm
19:15 Jill: as most students will go on to Beijing to study and do business with 大陸.
 我: i know
 Jill: shall i drop her a note, giving her your e-mail address and asking if she has any students who want to get in touch for a lang exchange?
19:16 我: here in Brandeis, it has very diverse student body, i can say most of the students are international students
  that would be great!!
 Jill: wow
  okay, i'll do that now
19:17 我: i prefer female, personally.
 Jill: okay, will let her know
 我: i am not lesbian, i just don't want to let my bf worry about me^^
 Jill: ha ha
19:18 noted!
 Jill: let's not do that!
 我: ^^
  thank you so much, Jill
  you're so helpful
19:19 Jill: okay, so her name is Jin Zhang
  she's faculty at MIT
 我: after talking with you, i am feeling much better
  
 Jill: in case she gets in touch
  good, i hope so!
19:20 我: will i meet you in TW when i get back?
 Jill: it would be lovely if our schedules worked out that way
  what are your current plans?
19:21 我: i want to find an internship job in summer, if everything goes smoothly..
  so i might go back at the end of Aug. or Sept, if i can find a job
19:22 but it's very tough
  how do you say 了解
19:23 Jill: familiar with?
  understanding?
 我: when you say somthing...like okay, so her name is Jin Zhang
she's faculty at MIT
 Jill: yes, she's 张老师
19:24 张 锦
 我: i used to say "soga," but it's Japanese
  i meant how do i respond to say"i got it"
 Jill: understood
19:25 我: huh.. understood
  comparing with you, i found i am very dependent person,
19:26 not indepedent enough
 Jill: everyone is different
  i'm not a typical american
  most of my friends are more 'needy' than i am
  i like spending time on my own
19:27 我: what do you mean "needy"
  poor?
 Jill: needing things
  needing friends
  needing comfort
  needing support
19:28 我: so you're much more independent
 Jill: i suppose, yes
 我: i am a typical person as your friends
 Jill: :-)
19:29 我: i need friendship
 Jill: all my friends are quite diverse, i think
  i think everyone needs friendship
 我: suppot is okay. i can complete things on my own
 Jill: but everyone needs friendship to talk through things
  and get feedback
19:30 我: when i felt lonley, i missed my friends in TW, my family, my bf so much
 Jill: it must be a real shock not having that after you get out of class everyday
  on top of which i know the time difference makes that more difficult
 我: yes
 Jill: it's just a few months
  you will get through it
  i know you will!
19:31 我: I WILL
  i have to
  and i have to be braver
 Jill: you will, it'll just take a bit of time
19:32 and if you have the opportunity
  join a club that brings you a bit closer to home
  might make things easier
 我: i tried to fill out of my time to make myself very busy
 Jill: there must be a taiwanese group on campus?
 我: yes
19:33 but i came all the way here to learn English. Everyone here told me not to spend too much time with Chinese people
 Jill: ha ha
   i know
 我: becaue Taiwanese people tend to be in a group and talk in chinese
19:34 Jill: i'm just thinking, if you need an hour or two every week to be able to relax
     lets try to get you fixed up with a language exchange
  this way, there's no pressure to be immediate friends - you both have a goal in mind
  just spending a couple hours a week working on language
19:35 btw, what e-mail address should i give 張老師？
  thank you!!
19:36 one more question, do you like to go to the party where lots of people who don't know each other drink, have a small talk and dance?
 Jill: not really
 
19:37 Jill: i find those exhausting
 我: last night, i went to a party where 90% of peole i don't know
19:38 some of them i knew but they were busy socializing with other people
19:39 so i felt a bit out of place.
  everyone was in a small group talking
 Jill: those kind of things really don't interest me
19:40 我: i am not good at social
  me too.
 Jill: don't worry
  hey, stupid question
19:41 your chinese name, is it written as 林佳樺
 我: but i am thinkig if it is part of American culture i should embrace ?
  correct
 Jill: yes, it can be
  american university students love that kind of thing
     i don't know
  it can be a way to meet people
19:42 do it once in a while, but don't feel like you have to each time
 我: to me, i think that's very superficial
 Jill: yes, i agree
  do you have a cell phone I can give 張老師？
 我: sure
  415-254-6784
19:43 Jill: a san francisco number!
  yeah!
 我: ^^
  i bought it with Emily in san francisco
19:44 do American like superficial friendship?
 Jill: um....
  do taiwanese?
 我: it's not my cup of tea
 Jill: ha ha
19:45 我: definitely not
 Jill: it's a difficult question
  some do, some don't
  depends
  i don't have time for that, really
  it's boring - superficial relationships
 我: i agree
 Jill: but with younger students, i don't think they know what that means yet
19:46 我: it's a good place to meet girls or boys if they are single
  i guess so
  ha ha
 Jill: :-)
  hey, can you look at the e-mail i'm going to send to 張老師？
  let me know if you want me to change anything?
19:47 我: sure
 Jill: 张老师，

This past summer I was one of your students at Middlebury. This year I'm at ICLP in Taiwan for which Middlbury was a great primer.

One of my Taiwnese friends is at Brandeis this term as an exchange student. She's looking for a female language exchange partner to meet on a regular basis. Might any of your students be interested?

Eileen Lin/ 林佳樺
eileen12@brandeis.edu
cell: 415-254-6784

All the best,
Jill （真利）
  do you want me to include your age or your studies?
19:48 我: haha it's good though
  not necessary
  i like to meet people with different age and different backgroud
  that's more interesting
 Jill: cool, okay
 我: in my school, people always talk about money
19:49 Jill: should i ask her to pass it on to her other colleagues in the chinese dept as well?
 我: one said, "we care about millions, billions of dollars, not one dollar, two dollars..."
19:50 sure.
  it would be nice
19:51 Jill: Okay, just sent that off to her
19:52 我: thanks!!
 Jill: i had another teacher, 陈老师. he's also at MIT
  she'll probably share it with his students as well
 我: thank you so much!!
 Jill: i hope this connects you with some other interesting american students
 我: hope i can make some nice friends as you
 Jill: who knows, perhaps the student scene at MIT is more interesting
19:53 i can tell you, younger people sometimes are more difficult
 我: huh.. i think so
 Jill: you know, they don't have life experience yet
  and can sometimes be close-minded
 我: yeah
 Jill: i don't know, it's just what i found this summer at the US university i was at
19:54 people like Emily are already in their mid-20s
  and have traveled and lived in asia
  so they're a bit more open-minded and interested in things outside their world
 我: i agreed with your viewpoint
19:55 the friends i met here mostly are 21-23
19:56 i am really feeling much better now
  thank you so much, Jill
 Jill: you're welcome!
 我: although you're in TW, i felt we're so close
 Jill: likewise!
  加油！
19:58 我: you too!!
  let me know, if anything we taiwanese people make you feel unconfortable
 Jill: :-)
19:59 no, never
  you take care now!
  i'm going to hop in the shower
  do some grocery shopping
  then start homework!
 我: nice!!
  me too!
  keep up your good work
 Jill: and you!
 我: thanks for anything!
20:00 see you then
 Jill: you're friends in TW are always thinking about you
 我: really?
 Jill: of course
 我: do you mean celia and mendy?
 Jill: when i pass by a stinky tofu stall, i think, what is eileen doing right now
 我: 呵
  thank you^^
20:01 Jill: and the fact that i'm not going to buy and eat any 臭豆腐
  哈哈
 我: 呵呵
 Jill: you're always trying to get me to have some
  and makes me think of you
 我: 呵.. i was so clever, right?
20:02 Jill: of course
 我: i am happy that there are some friens always thinking about me in TW
20:03 i will make a life well here for YOU
 Jill: talk to you soon
 我: i will be strong
  okay
  talk to you later
  see yu
 Jill: xo
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